When I began this blog in Jan 2010, I was at a really low point in my life. I was struggling to find purpose, meaning, and joy in all the areas of my life. An overwhelming sense of depression, hopelessness, and isolation had become my reality.
During that cold winter, I was alone a lot. I had a 4 mo. old baby girl, 4 yr. old boy, and a husband who was fabulous but was traveling for work every week. I don’t believe people were meant to be alone really – we’re designed for community…but I am an especially-not-her kind of case. (That’s not saying that you can’t make traveling work…totally can…but we weren’t doing it very well).
Our marriage was stalling out and not thriving at this point. We tried to figure out what our interests were and what we might be able to do together. To get to know each other again. Know what I found out? He was exactly the same man I had married six years earlier. I on the other hand, had no clue what I was interested in. My life had changed. I had changed. I didn’t know who I was anymore. But I did know I wasn’t happy.
So I decided to find the happy mom lurking inside of me. This benefits everyone, right? What sane person would rather be miserable than happy? Do any children wish their mom had laughed less? Are there husbands who prefer to come home to angry, bitter wives? Not in my family!
It’s been over a year since I wrote anything on here. And now I think I’m ready. I never shared any of this before…but I think I will this time. I have left a few of my early entries on here, just for reference and for me to see how far I’ve come…to see what God has really done in my life. As I’ve been reflecting on where I’ve been, I find it just staggering to see the difference! God has really answered so many of my cries during that time in my life. And He’s still doing it.
Today I am a much happier mom now than I was then. I’m a better mom and wife (sooooo not perfect though). I feel more whole as a woman and as a child of the King. And I have hope! That’s a big deal! So I’ll write some stuff…maybe someone will read it and find some help, comfort, community in it (or just enough train wreck to make it worth reading). Maybe no one will and I’ll have a great journal to look through at this time next year. Either way works for me!
Love you Pam! Glad you are happier. Besides a great wife and mom you are a fabulous friend! So glad you're in my life! I love that you're always growing. That's exactly how I like to live life; growing, learning, experiencing, etc. You're such a great inspiration to others.
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