Forgiveness

"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having a different past."

I read this today in my devotional "Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God". It made me stop and think. I don't know that I think I really struggle with forgiveness. But do I struggle with wishing I had a different past? Oh yeah. Maybe that's a part of forgiveness I haven't figured out yet. I guess it's possible that in wishing I could rewrite my history, I haven't meted out complete and total forgiveness. I am praying that I would see the places I am holding onto unforgiveness...without even realizing it. It's obvious that if I'm really trying to find the happy mom in me, I will have to tackle this hurdle. Wow...God is already showing me stuff as I start this process. Pretty cool, huh?

I also read another part today that basically said that we need to live in the middle ground regarding lamenting and rejoicing. If we live in the pain of this world completely, we get bogged down and miss the good and the praiseworthy parts of this world. We miss rejoicing in the One who made us. But on the flip side, if we skim along the surface of life and rejoice constantly without ever allowing ourselves to experience the pain of this life, then we miss the opportunities to learn the lessons that Christ is trying to teach us. I would like to live in the middle there. Where I can use the pain of this life to learn the lessons that my God is trying to teach me, but still see clearly enough to find all that is worth rejoicing in. I never want to miss that.