Getting Started

This is my first blog entry...ever. Last night Clayton and I were talking about what three things we'd each like to do within the next year. Coming up with those three took me a bit...but then my list got longer. I think it could all be narrowed down to a few things...

1. I would like to go (or have plans to go) on a family missions trip...for me this could count as a vacation too.
2. By this time next year, I would like to have lost a significant amount of weight.
3. This is the big one...by this time next year, I'd like to find out what it means to be happy and what it is that I really enjoy or am passionate about.

#1 is something important to me...and to Clayton too. I've been on several missions trip and spent a chunk of time (6 mo.) in Haiti. I have always had a heart for missions. I want my kids to grow up aware of the world around them...and that what we have in our family is not the norm for most of the world. I want to try to battle the sense of entitlement that is so fostered in American children.

#2 is super challenging. There's a lot that goes with that. I've always (literally) been a big girl. Now two kids later, I am even more so. And it bothers me. So I'm working on this. I'm sure I'll be writing a lot about that. Although it is a big deal to me, I separated it from #3 because I really feel like I can't hang my happiness on that. I need these two to be separated to some degree in my life. Weight will always be a challenge for me...but that shouldn't keep me from being happy or passionate, right?

So, then on to #3...there seems to be a theme in my life right now. Our pastor has been going through the book of Ecclesiastes and talking about how the goal of it is to give us practical instruction for how to live our lives "under the sun." We can be happy and enjoy this life. I've also heard several times that the way to have a happy marraige is by having two happy people. I'm not sure why this is a struggle for me. I think there are several factors that have made it like this...but I guess I can't just stay this way and chalk it up to justified unhappiness. That just won't work. I don't want to be 60 years old wishing that I'd just gotten over crap in life and found out how to really enjoy my life.

And apparently I can be happy...even if my husband isn't. I don't want to be a whiny wife...super needy. I don't mean to be stupid in my thought...but I really don't understand how this is possible. I hope I figure it out soon. I'm praying I do.

Oh, one more clarification...I have a great life. I am fully aware of this. I am healthy (though extra large), I am married to a good man, I get to be a SAHM to my two kiddos (4 yrs. & 5 mo.), we live in a warm home, I am confident in my relationship with Christ and that I will spend eternity in Heaven. Now if you asked me what I like to do...I'm not sure how to answer that question. I like being a mom and all...but as far as hobbies, interests, passions...I'm not sure. I don't even know where to begin. So this year, I'd like to try some new things and see what I like. :-)